Roy Ward 1934 – 2012
A tribute by Chris Ward
My father was born into a very different time to today.
Sue, Sandra and I grew up in the 1960/70's with the bedrock of mum and dad behind us and the safety of Anglesey Avenue where everyone was ‘uncle’ or ‘auntie’ and everyone knew your name – where you had tea in whatever house you happened to be in at 5pm, where you came in when it got dark & where you didn’t talk to strangers.
Dad was of a time when men were real men – private people, keeping their emotions to themselves. Dad worked, Dad told us to wash up or wipe up, to set the table, to eat our dinner if we wanted our pudding (which when it was tinned pears or peaches with evaporated milk – you did), Dad threatened to cook Snowy our rabbit for dinner, Dad made toys for us, Dad worked on the car, Dad cycled.
Like any child, my strongest memories of Dad and the life lessons he passed on were from when I was born till I left home.
I am having a good life in a different age to my dad - but when I have reflected over this week - and in fact over most of my life – the reason I have experienced some success at work, play and love is due to the critical lessons my dad taught me and that have dictated the way I live my life.
These lessons were far more important than anything I learnt at school or through work. These are not the lessons of how to be cleverer or get more money - these are the lessons of how to live the best and fullest life.
I want to share Dad’s key lessons with you, they may come from a different time but they provided the bedrock to both Dad and my own happy life– they are as relevant today as they will be at any time. 8 key lessons from 8 decades of experience.
My mum can verify all of this is true of dad and my kids can verify that I follow them to the letter…
“Lessons For A Full & Good Life
From a 20th Century Father to 21st Century Child”
by Roy Ward
1 EXPECT NOTHING MORE OF YOUR CHILDREN THAN FOR THEM TO DO THEIR BEST
Work hard and do your best at everything you try; homework, cycling, helping at home. Life doesn’t owe you anything. This was Dad leading by example. Critically though – and this is how dad must have differed from many other fathers - there were no further expectations placed on us, if we did our best – that was simply enough - nothing more was expected from us. There was no pressure to achieve anything beyond what we could.
I am happy because I know I have worked hard and do not have any pressure or expectations to have done even more so.
2 ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
Mum would often say “there’s no such word as ‘can’t” but dad really showed it to me when we went to see the Careers Officer at school. It wasn’t about University (whatever that was?) it wasn’t about dad wanting me to be a lawyer, dentist, draughtsman or doctor. It was about dad coming with me with his full backing while we told the careers officer I wanted to be….a Formula 1 motor racing Driver. I wanted to be James Hunt. And to be fair to him the Careers Officer went off to investigate and a week later reported back that we needed to be millionaires if that was to happen – which it sort of didn’t!? But it showed me that my dad thought it was possible
3 WATCH THE PENNIES
It seemed Dad loved the idea of beating the supermarkets at their own game (we didn’t know it was out of necessity). I remember walking back and forth between Sainsbury’s and Presto as Dad compared prices and made sure he got the best deal in town for the weekly shop.
Dad didn’t want to waste any money on a good car. they were there simply to get you from A-B. So we’d have one of the cheapest ones possible and then with his genius skills he’d keep it running for years upon years upon years. A policy he instilled in me as my first mini cooper cost £80 & had holes in the floor, but Dad had the engine out of it and kept it going long after its shelf life.
4 RIDE A BIKE
Meanwhile though, a bike isn’t about getting you from A-B. A bike provides the opportunity to gain the most pleasure there is from life, to enjoy the simplicity that life should be about, to cycle through sunny country lanes, to keep fit, to pass the time with friends, to wear lycra!, to get away from all the stresses and strains (and kids!) for a few hours.
This was dad’s time – if you don’t cycle – you don’t know this –– but there is nothing better in life – honestly.
I was bought up expecting to cycle everywhere – even all the way back from Portsmouth when I ended up much further than ever before at about the age of 15. My bike gears broke and got stuck in top gear - I phoned home, expecting some sympathy and an offer of a lift – but nope – I was expected to ride everywhere – even in top gear “We’ll put your dinner in the oven” was the sympathetic offer I received
5 EAT MORE CAKE
All cyclists have only one thing in common – not a love of lycra or shaved legs but a love of cake – a sweet tooth. Normally it is chocolate but dad was slightly different. With him it was fruit cake – in whatever guise you can get fruit into flour & sugar – a slice of cake, scone, you name it, it was devoured.
Everyone likes Cake, Cake makes you happy, you can’t ever eat enough but the magic is if you cycle you can eat as much as you like – dad did and so never had an ounce of fat on him.
6 PUT FAMILY FIRST / STAY MARRIED
Mum and Dad always put us first. Dad made brilliant toys, mum made brilliant dinners. They also put their marriage first. Everyone has stresses and strains in their marriage – It is sometimes impossible to stay together.. Mum and Dad had their arguments, me and Helen do, Sandra and Steve do, Sue and Phil do – but we are all still together - and we are all the better for being so. This is a tribute to my mum and dad who so ingrained in us that we stick together – however hard it gets…
7 EMBARRESS YOUR KIDS
My kids will verify I follow dad’s lesson to the ultimate degree. Molly, when I try to talk to her about fashion, music or anything on Channel 4. Bob, when I refuse to upgrade, change, improve or throw over a cliff our Fiat ‘ugly bug’ Multipla car.
Dad did the same to us. Did he really have to beat every other dad on the holiday camp to win the knobbly knees competition? Did he really have to turn up for a fathers v sons football match with the skinniest, longest legs and shortest, tightest white shorts and socks?!
Yes he did. Because he was living his own life and if you can embarrass your kids you can live with any sort of embarrassment. The thought of being embarrassed is what stops most people attempting something new or doing what they want – dad didn’t have that, and much to Bob’s regret – nor do I!
8 Finally, with the onset of Alzheimer’s came the last lesson and a side to dad we hadn’t often seen before. He started to show his emotions and feelings – on many levels. Alzheimer’s is an horrendous illness - often more for the partner and carers than for the sufferer themselves. But, it was great to see some Dad setting the example that IT’S ALRIGHT FOR A DAD TO SHOW HIS EMOTIONS – a lesson that Helen will verify that I still struggle with but it’s the final one. It took a lifetime to pass over from father to son – and one that I am still working on.
Dad had a great life and following his guidance his grandchildren will also get the same chance. Dads presence will live on through jack, Maddie, Katie, Emily, Louise, James, molly, Bob, Rose & Audrey.




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